9/12/11—In my eleven months off update, I said this …
“I anticipate a better twelfth month and promise a very comprehensive progress report; one that compares my symptoms now to where they were a year ago.”
On August 24 (my one year off anniversary), I couldn’t bring myself to write my one year off update. Months ten and eleven were bad. Month twelve was worse. Severe tension headaches forced me to withdraw from my fall semester college class.
I know that some people with similar histories to mine, but who aren’t as far along in their benzo journeys, read my blog for some idea of what they might expect. I so very much wanted to be able to give them some good news, but benzo healing has a mind of its own. What I offer up is this instead. In particular, item #4 …
“It is very typical to have setbacks at different points of time (these times can vary). These setbacks can be so intense that people feel their healing hasn’t happened at all; they feel they have been taken right back to the beginning. Setbacks, if they occur, are a normal part of recovery.”
This is not news to me. I’ve parroted these words to friends as they’ve encountered setbacks. However, I find the words much more difficult to accept now that it’s me. Anyway, here’s where I was on August 24. I’ll do the comprehensive comparison update once I’m past this wave.
These are my symptoms, listed in order of severity (most to least), each rated with a number 0-10 (0 = nonexistent, 10 = unbearable) …
Muscle tension headaches—8 (at eleven months off was a 6)
This symptom has been very bad; so bad that I finally broke down and went to the doctor for it … even though I know what’s causing it and know that there’s not much to be done for it except practice patience. She prescribed Imitrex and gave me some samples of Fioricet. Neither worked. Probably just as well, since Fioricet contains barbiturates.
Muscle symptoms & resulting pain—7 (at eleven months off was a 6)
I believe the increase in this symptom is contributing to my severe muscle tension headaches. I’m considering trying massage.
Insomnia—5 (at eleven months off was a 4)
Pain is affecting how much sleep I get and also my sleep schedule. Lately I’ve not been falling asleep until 2 a.m. and sometimes not waking up until 11 a.m. or noon. This is very unlike me.
Dizziness, light-headedness & poor balance—4.5 (at eleven months off was a 3.5)
This symptom has ramped up some.
Internal pressure—3.5 (at nine months off was a 3.5)
Tinnitus—2 (at nine months off was a 2)